I left no notice

There was a time when I stayed in residence at a college.

The selection of your compatible roommate was a dubious process.

Anyways, the guy that I got was a real winner. I remember him saying: "I hope you don't bring girls over, as my girlfriend would not be comfortable with that." It was the first thing he mentioned to be via email / instant messenger. I thought wow I haven't met you yet and that is your attitude.

As a single chap, it was not good that all my future roommate was a lame douche. The key was to get a roommate that would go around with you and get into drunken shenanigans. With Mr. No Personality Peter, I found myself stuck in my room.

My time in la dorm was not fun. I was reclusive as I didn't know many people in the town was kind of shy at the time.

I remember numerous times No Personality Peter knocking on my door asking me to turn down my music and I was like really? Fuck off.

He also liked eating some of my food and opening up extra peanut butter containers when ones were already opened. This would be his Waterloo.

As the semester was ending and the second was about to start I decided I was going to leave.

I had some of my friends help me move out. Before, I decided to leave though I remembered he said once about sharing food and just "Don't eat my popcorn shrimp." So as my last supper in that hell hole I ate his shrimp and left the box out for him to see after the holidays.

This guy pissed me off numerous times: bitching about my music, having girls come over, eating my food and just being a horrible roommate with no personality.

So as we were leaving and packing up my stuff I noticed the two peanut butter containers open.

I thought well one is surely mine and I never used it. So what did not so mature me do? Well let's just say I took the becel margarine in the bathroom and dick wiped the top layer of it. After, trying to compose myself from not laughing I put that back in the fridge for him to enjoy later. The next horrible thing I did would involve those peanut butter containers.

I thought to myself as I was dick sticking the two peanut butter jars (the big one and the littler one), can I make myself piss at any moment. Well apparently the answer was a firm aye! As I realized la urine into the small container, I thought to myself hmm too much pee, as I splashed it around the inside of the peanut butter container, I let some of it drain in la toilet. For the bigger jar I had the perfect amount of urine for it to not be noticeable. I managed to not piss all over my hands and self in this process, as I washed my hands and placed the peanut butter jars back in their respective areas, I wondered if he would notice. The next peanut butter and jam sandwich he would be having would have an extra ingredient, no matter what jar he took it from.

Looking back on this situation, it was an immature: prank / revenge. Also, I guess if you piss me off as a roommate I might go to the extremes.

I still remember laughing my ass off with my friends that helped me move out, trying to control my laughter as me and my one pal were in hysterical fits.

In conclusion, this might be one of my defining asshole moments. I don't truly believe I am a legitimate asshole, but, just a person that doesn't like being fornicated with.