Pope Jude I

This is a blog about if I became Pope of The Roman Catholic Church. For the record, I was raised in the R.C.C. had my communion and confirmation in the church. I chose Jude as my confirmation name. By no means am I a practicing Catholic right now.

I do not think the R.C.C. is the only religion that matters in the world either.

Let's face it I am not getting any vagina anytime soon. Unlike a lot of people in this world; I have what we call control and restraint. I am not addicted to sex, liquor, drugs, cigarettes or any vices. If a celibacy vow is needed trust me I can do it (1 year / 3 months and counting).

And if for some odd reason the conclave has selected me to be the next Pope and I'm not assassinated here is some decrees I shall plead!

Pope Jude I Papal Decrees:

1) Reinstate Latin. Mind you, I know next to nothing in Latin and I am limited to only to these words: carpe diem, terra incognita, ave maria, and mea culpa. Yet like the fictional character Max Fisher, I want to Save Latin. It won't be a dying language on my accord!

2) Open up the clergy to women. Very revolutionary indeed.

3) End celibacy. If priests and priestesses want to get their coitus on they are more than welcome.

4) End the practice of pray the gay away.

5) Remove any priests that have been found guilty of relations with a minor.

6) Stop allowing morons to compare anti-Catholicism to anti-Semitism.

7) Actually strengthen relations with various religions of the world (excluding Scientology)

8) Stop using the bullet proof glass Pope mobile. If I am a representative of God, I don't need bullet proof glass to protect me.

9) Work on the front lines to help alleviate poverty instead of sitting in Rome conducting mass all the time.

10) Have "Hey Jude by The Beatles" played every time I enter a room and at the beginning of any mass I conduct as I walk down the aisle to the altar, high-fiving members of the congregation!

11) Become the First Pope in Space and on the Moon.

12) End any cover ups regarding abuse of Church authority.

13) Expand Vatican territory via peaceful purchases.

14) Consider gay marriage within the Church. Hold a international Catholic referendum on the subject (For The Record: I am personally pro-gay marriage).

15) Apologize for the injustices and scandals of my predecessors, including the residential school system in Canada.

16) Promote some babesicle female priestesses to the rank of Cardinal. The red will look mighty fine on some of thee ladies.

17) Remodel Priest / Nun's outfits so they're sexier and of a mod fit.

18) Speak out about any human rights injustices throughout the world.

19) Speak out constantly against genocide in any country that chooses to participate in those horrendous acts.

20) Continue with the stance against euthanasia.