She Loves Me

Lee told me she loved me last night. That was the best thing to ever happen to me.

There  is numerous factors why she would feel that way. I can't talk about some of them. Not hard to read between the lines though.

Literally the best feeling in the world. I had been waiting for it for a while.

Then she told me her boyfriend knows about us.

She wants to end up with me as well. 

But the hitch is she loves him more.

As he sees me as a threat.

She can only have one boyfriend even though she doesn't believe in monogamy.

Right now I am in so much pain. I've been crying. I never cry.

I can't go quietly in the night.

We are suppose to hang out Saturday night. 

I've made no demands of her. Yet I lose.

After the concert on Sunday I got pissed about something. I walked ahead. She thought I was going to abandon her. I never would. I just wanted her to run up and grab me. I stopped eventually. Apparently I really was far ahead. She told me Alex never made her feel like she was going to be left behind. 

That Sunday night I thought I reassured her that would never happen. We spent time talking on front street. Ninety percent of Sunday was good. 

I can only feel that helped with her decision tonight.

I just don't understand if she loves me, why make this attempt to end us?

[Part of this is omitted now]. She told me that it was the most intense thing she has ever had. That should say something about us.

I won't give up. 

Right now it is 7am, I am in her bed. She's upstairs no idea if she is asleep.

Hello depression my old friend, you've come to see me again.

I'll never get over her. She is the love of my life.

All I know is this. I love her and it will always be that way. I'm not going anywhere.

Tom Petty famously sang: "Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out, Hey I will stand my ground And I won't back down."

To conclude, fuck you Lex.  His logic is flawed. She can see other people, but not me. Makes sense to me. Apparently, I am a threat. Obviously he feels inadequate measured up to me. As he should, because he will never love her as strongly as I will. 

Man does this pain hurt.

Lee now wants to deny how she feels about me. It won't make things any easier. It is not like a light switch. It isn't something that can be flicked off. You can't stop loving someone so easily. Especially not after coming out, and saying it. Lee can deny all she wants, but, she knows and I know how she really feels. So does he.

I'll be seeing her Saturday, and when I go to sleep I will be seeing her in my dreams. I hope she'll be seeing me in her dreams to.

I hugged her goodbye at the bus stop. He had called as we were walking to Cheapies [record store]. After we parted from hugging, I walked away, but, came back and whispered in her ear those three words, "I love you."

Dejected I slowly walked back to my vehicle.

It is just a little bump in the road. I will get out of no-man's land and back with her. All in good time, all in good time.