Losing my humanity

A pointless Thursday day at work once again, sure I made some good money? But, it is so pointless. There has to be more to life than that.

Anyhow, I rushed to finish. I got done in time to make my Apple store appointment. Problem is I made it for Markham Shopping Centre, whoops.

The staff at the Apple store I was at were courteous, and booked me an appointment an hour later approximately 6:40 pm, in case you were wondering my original appointment was at 5:40 pm.

This gave me enough time to go home and shower my body (not hair, I had a shower earlier in the day).

I went back to the Apple store to get my new iPhone as mine was out of warranty, with a faulty power button (stuck,) and broken glass (thank you random people in Hamilton throwing a water balloon at my hand from an apartment).

I had planned my quest that evening. I would get my new iPhone, head home shower, then go directly to Toronto to pick up a new wallet as my Ben Sherman wallet from when Urban Outfitters was just a small one floor shop on Yonge Street was on its last life. I remember seeing it in some glass display case / island / cash register area of the old Urban Outfitters store.

Some people waiting to be serviced by Apple made small talk with me. I operate on a only talk to someone if they approach me basis. Overall the Apple Store employees were great and I was impressed. I had thought my replacement phone would cost $250, turns out it was $180 something with tax.

My journey to Toronto was a pleasurable one. I heavily enjoyed the drive in, seeing the city as sundown slowly approaches.

The destination would be 412 Danforth Avenue, Men's Essentials. A splendid store that's focus is on shaving shindig and other men accessories. I noticed a lot of those straight blade shavers. Upon purchasing this Bellroy wallet that is only available at that store (to my knowledge in Ontario), I went to look for some food.

I happened upon some grocery store where I noticed my favourite kind of grape. There in its blue glory with the made in Ontario basket was some Concord grapes. Prior to that I passed some street and a homeless individual was there.

Lately, I do the typical not notice people when I am out. They were actually quite friendly. My last experience I dealt with some lady (that was homeless) calling me a fucking bastard, as I had headphones on and did not speak to her back on May 15th 2013.

Back to the homeless individual on the Danforth, they wished me a good night or something, when I said I had no change or maybe I said nothing and they wished me that.

Either way, I knew that this individual was the real deal. They weren't accosting anyone and belonged to a group that has been marginalized historically and presently. I don't like labeling for the record.

Also I know if it wasn't for (at least) two people of this noble race I would not be alive today. One helped an individual on a ranch back when they were young and needed to leave home to escape the abuse of an alcoholic father. The other individual killed a German sniper in WWII and helped them complete a crucial task without being bogged down from enemy fire.

When I came back from the family run grocery store, I gave the individual one dollar and fifty cents.

Upon further reflection I should've and could've done more. After all, I had just bought a $90.00 wallet that came up to $108 or something.

I have conflicting views at times.

My harshness perhaps is a reflection of the fact in Hamilton people have attitude and are very confrontational. I am not shy about confrontations, but, one just becomes numb to these folks and then that occurs when you go to another place that has way better people like Toronto.

You see I believe that an individual should stand on their own two feet and not get help from anyone. I rarely ever ask for help. Never have I taken a hand out from anyone.  However, it isn't always that black and white.

There is obviously numerous issues like: the mental health factor, people losing jobs, no safety net for folks, lack of work, and other factors.

I just could not ignore humanity once more. Perhaps, I am losing my misanthrope ways. The bell tolls, the bell tolls, it tolls for thee. The words of John Donne came running through my head.

Personally, I didn't do it to make myself feel better about myself. I mean after all it was a $1.50, I don't deserve any medal. By ignoring this person, I was losing my humanity.

I thought of the hopes and ambitions this individual must have had and their life now. How they face discrimination and harassment on a daily basis. Insults thrown their way. I stepped into their shoes, and felt pathos for them. Mind you, it is only a fraction of what I could really grasp what it would be like to be in their situation.

Maybe I should be volunteering for some organizations that help individuals.

Approximately four years ago, I did consider becoming a priest. I just didn't have the complete faith that is necessary for the job. Plus I could not be celibate and I love women.

To conclude, this was originally going to be about my time in Toronto and what the city does for me, but I will do a new entry tomorrow on that. Ignoring marginalized people is just contributing to the problem I feel. One can't save everyone, but they can do their part and strive to make humanity better.