You see her you can't touch her you hear her you can't hold her you want her you can't have her you want to but she won't let you

One day I will be fertilizing daffodils.

Time is of the essence.

I didn't come to realize this over night. I've known it for the past four years.

It was brought back to the forefront in 2010.

One day in the winding summer days of September 2010, I am enjoying a shift at work and I get a random text message from a pal named Stuart. He informs me that a lady that was my friend and named Sabrina has died. Now, this person was not just a work friend. A legitimate friend.

She was 25.

A week ago I put a song on a mix tape. I recall how she loved the track and I shared the same love of this tune.

It kind of got to me. No I wasn't crying or anything. It just shook me. Here was a lady full of life and someone I had a great time with and now she is gone.

Remembering, how I could make her laugh so well brought a smile to my face. Especially reflecting on the time I quoted Planet of The Apes. You see an over annoying and eager hostess put her hand on me and I said: "Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!" The laughter it brought the room was stellar. I truly channeled George Taylor's sentiment.

Then I lost the most important person ever in my life. I had something I wrote about him up before, I took it down though. I still haven't wrote about the experience really in detail and I don't think I ever will.

Now he was 87 and lead a full life. I personally believe there was more gas in the tank and it did shock me on the 23rd of December. I will never recover from that and I know I shall forever hate the holiday season.

What I try to say to myself, in a situation where I might be too shy, too awkward or too petrified is to just go for it. I'll regret it for not doing it and if it doesn't work out, then at least I can say I went into battle and fought regardless of the outcome.

As Ernest Hemingway said: "But man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated."

I have never been defeated.

I try to say yes to numerous opportunities.

Now it might be awkward as hell! Usually that feeling goes away. This is due to confidence and knowing that you are awesome.

The motto I have is I will never be here again. I won't be. I will never feel the same way as I did at that certain time or place.

When I was way more immature I used to have a Richard Nixon style enemies list. Where I would keep a grudge. I can say I might have only two grudges. I have matured.

Those two grudges are due to something that truly bothered me right at the marrow.

I hope that I will never have to regret not doing something.

And that I can say I tried and took it to the limit.