So You Want To Be A Cheater (Say It Like The Byrds Song)

Some might say I am endorsing this behaviour, I peremptorily disagree with that assesmment.

Personally, I have never "cheated" on anyone I have been with. I think communication, and honesty is key.

I don't go along to get along. I like being blunt, and sure it has alienated me from some individuals.

However, some people don't agree and will cheat regardless. Instead of just breaking it off with their significant other.

Again communication is key. Maybe circumstances would be different, if that (communication) was working with you and your respective mate (but really you don't respect them as you're about to cheat on them).

You've failed to discuss opening up the relationship to include others.

Here is my tidbits on how to protect yourself if you cheat. These aren't from experience again for the record. Just one person's analysis.

(1) What's in a name?

You're about to embark on some questionable behaviour. It is best to use an alias. Never give out a full legal name to someone you're having fun with. Might I suggest just giving your first, and middle name to the stranger you're about to get your night moves on with. The reason for that in this modern age perhaps you're a part of social media. This individual could simply google search your name, and know a lot of information about you. Also, they could find you on facebook (privacy settings are a glorious thing if you use them). You might be saying, wow you're paranoid. However, this person is your side action. If you were willing to become single, you would have broken up with your partner. This also means not cheating on your partner with a co-worker. In this modern age, you can't trust anyone. Sure so and so might seem amazing, perhaps though after a couple of months on the side (with or without the knowledge that they know you're taken) they want more. This individual male or female, could become clingy or needy. Therefore becoming a threat to your status quo. The less information they know about you the better. A name gives a lot it away. You can try laying the ground rules to the individual you're seeing on the side if you enjoy their company (telling them they're disposable like a lighter). Even then keep those cards (full name) close to your body. As some people get weird knowing they are being used or just today's news.

(2) Ring, Ring!

In today's modern world cellular phones are everywhere. Boy oh boy are they annoying too. I was friends with a lady, and she was cheating on her boyfriend of seven years. I told her to password her goddamn phone. She failed to do such the simplest tasks. Eventually, leaving her phone out, and the rest is as they say history.

Likely your partner knows a lot about you. They could snoop on your phone from time to time (jealous issues anyone?). It is important to have a password on your cellphone that they would never be able to guess.

Another option, is if your phone is unlocked and bought, for example a $650 dollar iPhone from the Apple Store, you can use various sim cards. Why not pick up a burner (pay-as-you-go) sim card. This will allow you to switch those sim cards without arising suspicion. Your significant other might wonder why you're using another phone. The business excuse phone, only works if you work for a company that requires one. The other sim card allows you to be discreet in your double life.

(3) Visitor Team

Playing with home field advantage is a terrible idea. Do not do it. This risque behaviour will increase your chances of being caught by your spouse. You're already doing something stupid by not communicating effectively, with your significant other. So when you play ball make sure you're not the home team. If you're going to be pointing your bat to the outfield, and be hitting some dingers make sure it is in a hotel (how cliche) or at this disposable person's (cheatee) residence.

(4) Bill

Maybe you're old school, and stuck in the 20th Century. If your cellular phone bill comes to your residence, or your credit card bill. This could be your Waterloo. As what is to stop your partner from looking at these statements? Nothing. If you're married it is just part of paying the bills as they say. If you get e-bills then this saves you the hassle, so long as they don't have your email password, and you don't leave your inbox open for them to see.

(5) Electric Mail Now

Do not use your main email address as a way of communicating to the individual on the side. This creates a paper trail. I knew a lady who was cheating on her significant other. Needless to say the person she was seeing on the side was not single either, and their partner found the correspondence. They would later confront her about it, and inform this lady's husband. It is important to use a burner email like having a burner phone. You do not want anything that can be traced back to you. Mitigating your risks is the best thing to do in these questionable ethical dilemmas. An alternate email address with your alias works wonders. In putting off any scent on your trail.

(6) Protection

Make sure you're using protection in these endeavors. Your spouse might wonder why you've become pregnant even though you haven't had sex in months. Or they might be wondering why you've got genital herpes on your penis now. Wrap it up. Use a dental dam. Birth control works too! Do not take any unnecessary sexual risks. You want to satisfy your needs, that's your prerogative.


Following these tips will help mitigate your risk of being exposed. It is important to note, I don't condone such behaviour. Communication is key. However, some exceptions are out there. Anyhow, be smart and don't get caught.