Red Dawn is Smegma

Maybe you have been one of the unfortunate people to have seen a preview of this movie, on your high definition television. Or you actually went to a good movie at your local theatre and this was in the previews.

This movie has a stupid premise and was an absolute waste of money. More on those two points later.

I question the investors in this film.

Studio Executive #1: You know what would be a good remake and will bring in loads of cash?

Studio Executive #2 aka Phil: What film are you thinking of pal?

Studio Executive #1 (now named Chuck): Red Dawn!

Phil (SE#2): Whoa reel me in as I am interested!

Chuck (SE#1): There is no cold war anymore, so let's all forget about that hogwash. So I have a perfect  country to take the Russians place.

Phil (SE#2): The Chinese?

Chuck (SE#1): Silly Phil, we don't want to alienate a billion plus people, that will pay money to see our auteur action movie.

Phil (SE#2): Canada?

Chuck (SE#1): With that army and Michael J. Fox? No Phil, the god damn axis of evil North Koreans.

Phil (SE#2): I am sold let's write an $80 million dollar check and get this "blockbuster" out there for the masses to see, fine film at its peak.


That is how I imagine these idiots talking about this film. As who in their right mind would finance a film on such a shitty premise and not have their heads in the sand?

Let's deal with the premise. World War III has apparently begun with the apparently powerful North Korean army invading the United States.

That sounds pretty asinine right there.

It however has ignored the fact that World War III has already happened. What you say? Since when did that happen? Well my friend it is called the Cold War. Yes it was never a full out assault. However, the Soviet Union and the United States engaged in conflicts with one another through other countries.

Second of all, North Korea? Are you fucking me? How would a North Korean army A) get money and advance equipment B) go unnoticed crossing the pacific ocean and C) beat the worlds superpower.

North Korea doesn't even have an aircraft carrier. The United States has 11 in service, 3 on the way and 1 in reserve. So let's just say 12.

It spends a shit load of money on military funding. Number one in the world.

A large nuclear arsenal.

Oh and the whole right to bear arms and civilians heavily armed.

So North Koreans coming over in large masses with their outdated cold war equipment is the dumbest fucking idea I have ever heard.

I mean this is a country that can't even feed its own people, let alone keep the lights on.

They've been at war with South Korea for sixty two years and are monitor constantly by the United States via satellite. Last time I checked they don't have that technology either.

So to play the North Korean card is absolutely ridiculous. It would be somewhat believable if it was the Chinese, but still they don't have the military power to invade the United States or the naval capability.

Any invasion would have to be done via a bunch of nuclear weapons going off and the dust settling, but we have a problem there.

The world would be a nuclear wasteland.

As the United States would do a little thing called mutually assured destruction. They get nuked and well they would send their world's second largest arsenal to whatever country nuked them.

Also a President named George Bush, invested a shit load of money into a program that pissed off the Russians (who cares about those commies / Pussy riot jailers), called Star Wars aka Strategic Defense Initiative; designed to shoot down incoming nuclear missiles.  Ronald Reagan proposed it back in the day, a mighty fine year if you ask me.

To conclude, another waste of 80 million dollars on a poorly planned, written, and executed albatross of a film.

How about next time you studio cats give me about 2 million dollars and I will write you a better movie, with a premise that is realistic and could win awards, thanks.