This is how it will be

Last year it was the nine of us.

At first I didn't want to go as I strongly dislike my two cousins.

Something inside of me softened and I decided to join them for the Thanksgiving dinner.

Since the seating was arranged before I got there, I was on the other end of the table with my niece.

I was sort of aloof being on the end and part deaf (lost hearing, but not sign language deaf), plus again my dislike of my two cousins. To make an analogy I am like Dennis Wilson and my cousins would be two versions of Mike Love (Beach Boys reference, cats). Was looking forward to seeing my recluse Uncle he was a no show as usual, off with his in-laws instead of his own family. Michelin man Uncle was sick or something?

This year apparently we were invited up North to my Aunt and Uncle's place (parents of the two cock bags), but due to my awesome cold and niece's cold we declined.

My family has been on the decline since 2006 and well is non-existent now.

No patriarch, basically emptiness. Occasional calls from an obese Uncle, that failed to send my Grandfather to the hospital when he found him passed out on the floor the first time. As they were afraid he would get mad at him. December 23rd brought a death I could not see coming.

Not a year has passed and I bury it, never letting my mind drift that far.

This is what it will feel like when people slowly go one by one as I get older.

Maybe I might marry some lady that has a wicked family. You'll always feel like the outsider though, they're not yours.

If I let my mind wander and think about it that is.

I am not one of those pussies that feel bad for themselves, have to keep moving on walking.

The McDonald's grilled cheese wasn't that bad tonight as I watched the New England game, not bad at all.