I'll stay the same

I started hanging in March with her.

After, the second time getting together with Barbara, I began to question my actions and behaviour.

The lady Barbara was fine and a nice person. She was missing a key ingredient though.

You see after two years of not really feeling anything for women, that came and went in my life, I met someone that swooned me. The situation was a quagmire. No matter what I tried, they would put up a wall greater than Berlin. This woman had a lure I couldn't deny. I'm going to call her "Jenni" even though that isn't her real name.

The rendevous with Barbara continued. I had almost successfully ended it. I believe I made issue out of something and suggested to just be friends. It was a legitimate offer. However, they wanted to continue another aspect of the relationship.

I did make it clear that I wasn't ready for a relationship. This was true. I couldn't start one with them as it just would be futile. There was no picking up of good vibrations or yearning like a fisherman has for the sea.

What did "Jenni" have over "Barbara" ? Maybe, it was a sense of mystery. When we did communicate it felt like being at home and at ease. She also gave off the girl next door vibe. I mean she is not on a pedestal, but I felt something for them.

To digress, I just saw a hawk fly outside, amazing!

Where are we going?

Basically, Barbara was really into me. I was honest telling her I couldn't give her the same feelings she had for me back. Her liking of me to this extreme kind of spooked me at first.

I sent Barbara a text two days before her birthday, didn't respond. She did thank me for some Happy Birthday post on her wall. However, it was one of those generic thanks, that everyone else got that gave the same wish. I actually stole the greeting "Haps" from a friend of mine code named: "Walking in the Woods on A Snowy Evening."

This appeared to be my withdrawal. It was nice hearing that "I was like a drug" referring to my kissing ability.

Barbara was informed that I couldn't give her a relationship. Also, in my general analysis when someone like her just got out of a long-term relationship, she was clearly on the rebound. I said I wouldn't hold it against her if she found something else, but give me a heads up and we will go strictly to platonicville then.

After, no response from the text. I decided even though she commented on my facebook gesture, I could pull the plug. The gratification wasn't enough to sustain the relationship. The novelty wore off. Let's make it clear, I was not the instigator after I made my feelings known that they did not exist in the same manner. As I was purging my facebook list (I took it down from 162 to 90) she was added to the cut, unfollowed on twitter, then blocked so she could no longer follow my tweets and removed her number from my cellular device.

In the end, it was a learning experience for sure. I really have no symbolic reminder of them either. The "Jenni" lady did get me into a phenomenal album: In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, when I listen to a track off it, I am reminded of her and then I feel like an idiot on how I handled the situation.

The other person will fade into the obscure memories file folder.